Saroj Yadavadventures of everyday life

I am lucky to have another year to my whims, another year to play, love and be peaceful. That pretty much defines my goals for next year.

1. Friends : One thing I miss lately is spending carefree time with friends. I got nostagiac for the times when I used to have plain old fun pretty much doing nothing with friends. Watching movies, gossiping, playing, drinking – I miss all that. So not surprisingly that’s real high in my list of things to do for next year.

2. Family: world literally becoming flat with skypes and youtubes and facebooks, I don’t have any excuse not to be more connected with my family.

3. Peace: I want to get rid of all clutter around and in me. Throwing away 75% of the stuff in my apt was quite a nice start. Similar to my apt, I want to make room for new experiences, new people and more creativity. I want to be more in touch with music & arts – 2 things I know I just love.

4. Travel: I want to visit at least one new country next year. I’d be really happy if I can go to next Burning Man.

5. Think Big: Last 2 years have really shaped me and my attitude. There is no better time than now to think big and go for my dreams.

Another year almost gone. I have spent another 3650 hours(day-time) doing something and it’s time to see if it was worth it.

Looking back things which occupied most of my time:

1. Supercool School
I believe first startup is like your first love – no matter how it ends you always have fond memories mostly about your naivete. This is how I feel about Supercool School – my first startup which gave me a crash course in entrepreneurship and taught me things I would have never learned otherwise. It most importantly introduced me to amazing people. Even though I had to leave it after working/living it for more than an year, I heart Supercool School and all Supercool people who were/are associated with it.

2. Women2.0
As part of In Conversation series of Women2.0, I met and got inspired by amazing women CEO/founders like Caterina Fake of Flickr and Hunch, Shellye Archambeau, CEO of MetricStream, Clara Shih, author of The Facebook Era, Jessica Livingston of Y Combinator (publishing soon), Xochi Birch of Beebo (publishing soon), Amra Tareen of allvoices.com, Megan Casey of Squidoo , Veronica Belmont of Tekzilla, and Qore

3. Epocrates
My new job. I am part of this amazing team of people led by a really dynamic person. Outside my current team, I am lucky to know other people in the company who constantly inspire me. What else can you ask for?

4. Kiva team
I started my Kiva team – Samvedna which means “compassion”. Every pay check I have been making micro loans to entrepreneurs via my team.
Great feeling.

5. Argentina & Patagonia backpacking trip
My best trip so far (wow!! I can’t believe I am saying it). I love love Patagonia (W hike) and Buenos Aires. Life is just beautiful in that part of the world.

6. India
Home sweet home. This time when I made my usual annual trip to my home country, first time I vaguely felt that I can have a cool life style in India as well.

7. Utah
The state itself, I believe, should be declared a national park. I did breath taking Angel’s Landing and The Narrows hike in Zion and witnessed the beautiful Hoodoos at
Bryce National park.

That’s all I did in an year – not bad at all!!

I was talking to one of my friends recently and one of the things we were discussing was how most of us define our identities purely via work. For many of us,  just the fact that we have some place we can go for 8-10 hours is enough for our identity gratification.

I am not saying work does not define our identity – it does!!  A big part of it but is it 100%? What happens when you stop working for a while. People feel depressed. It’s funny that in spite of having full days to themselves with choice of whatever they want to do, people feel low, depressed.

Being out of job is definitely concerning because of financial reasons or figuring out what you want to do next. But if that worry occupies 100% of your time then isn’t your identity defined 100% by your work.

It’s weird that when people have work they don’t have time to sit back, think & most importantly enjoy things outside work. When they are with out work, they don’t want to  sit back & think & most importantly enjoy.

I am old fashioned when it comes to balancing personal & professional life. I believe to be really happy you have to have your identity balanced by your work & your personal life. Too much dependency on one or the other might mean moments missed out in life.

There has been too much Gandhi in my personal life since Christmas:

I read his autobiography 2 months ago during my Argentina trip,

I watched “Gandhi” movie just 2 weeks ago and

after watching movie I had this urge to buy Gandhi’s poster which says “My life is my message”

Gandhi & his character are so fresh in my mind that when I read  all kind of news about auction of his belongings, I  wonder about the irony of this whole situation. Of all the people, this is about this half-naked man whose whole life was about simplicity, truth& fight for things beyond material possessions.

Understandably all Indians,including myself, are feeling very passionate about his items not being in India. However sometimes I wonder how Gandhi would have felt if he had seen today’s India & situations like these. My guess is if he knew  his sandals were worth so many millions he would have sold it himself and provide shelter or spinning wheels to people with this money. If he had seen today’s India he would have felt little sad that all his life & struggle was for a place like India is today.

Anyways, I wish Indians feel same passionate about truth & justice as they are feeling about his items. I wish Indians have conviction like Gandhi to believe in what’s right & what’s not and  have strength like “Bapu” to fight for them. That will be priceless!!

It is a weird day today. This is how it goes.

Due to my deadline for today, I have been working really hard since last couple of days. This morning I get up, start working and then head for the office. Just before I am leaving I see the latest Economist issue with “Bombay Attacks” on the cover page. I take it with me.

In the train I read 2-3 pages about how the attacks in Bombay this time represent a different kind of attacks. It’s the raw terror. It says no one is safe. The news of the attackers shooting people in the Taj restaurant somehow reminds me of the day in Bangalore when my mom & sister visited me. I remember that day I took them to a restaurant which was on 13th floor – really stylish & expensive. Just when I am lost in my thought, my station comes and I get off.

After my deadline I feel exhausted. For some reason I am feeling so tired & with out energy that I can’t focus. I almost sleep in my chair for 2 minutes. I decide to go back to my apt and take a nap. I feel a vacuum inside and it is making me really drained.

I come back to my apt and crash in my bed.
I see that there are attacks in my village – the village I grew up in. I am on the roof and I can see women getting attacked all around me. Some women are hung upside down and are being tortured. I can see them from my roof. I see my sister is next to me. She is crying because one of her friends is in the women being tortured. She says she is scared herself. I look at her and tell her nothing bad will happen to her. I ask her to close her eyes and think of a sunny day when sun was warm and nice.

I open my eyes and realize I am in my apt in San Francisco. It’s a weird nightmare. I switch on my TV. I see BBC news – there is news of Iraq, Afganistan(with people riding motor bikes with guns in their hands), Pakistan, India, Kenya.

Living in a world where nightmares are all around us is pretty scary.

In response to Bombay attacks, I thought starting off a blogger event
will make me at peace with my country being attacked & bombed every few months. But it does not seem to be helping. I am still in a vacuum.

I saw “Munich” last night. After the movie I was just silent and quiet!!! nothing could kill that weird silence – not even youtube. I did not want to think about reasons behind my silence.

Then I watched “Om Shanti Om“. I broke my own records by watching a 3 hour movie in 45 minutes. (Remote Control is an amazing device). I really wanted to know the reason for this record. When I was in college I used to see 3 hour Bollywood movies 3 times a month, used to sing Bollywood songs(I still do), used to have posters of Indian movie stars in my room(now I don’t. Only poster in last 8 years was Federer’s poster in my restroom on the mirror).

What has changed? is it staying away from India(because my sister in India saw “Jodha-Akbar” 5 times few months ago)?, is it part of growing up?( may be not? My parents still see old black & white Indian movies). I myself have few Indian movies(drama, humor, pretty much every category) I see again and again. what is it then?

To find my answer I started thinking why I liked Munich. May be that will give me some clues about my record breaking time for watching a pretty popular Bolywood movie. I liked Munich because :

1. There were many emotional scenes where I could see myself saying “I know how that feels”

2. Even if I had not experienced some emotions shown in the movie, I can see myself behaving/feeling pretty much similar way

3. It gave(or at least tries to) me a perspective of both sides of a somewhat real critical situation.

4. It challenged my imagination, my biases and my awareness.

So I found out why is it that I like some Bolywood movies and some I skip over in 45 minutes. It is “empathy”.
When I was a teenager I watched a romantic (raised to power romantic) Bollywood movie pretty much 5-6 times. The same movie now would skip over in 45 minutes. My favorite movies in my closet are the ones I can empathize at this point. Same I expect from any movie I watch whether it’s Bollywood or Hollywood.

Even though Munich and Om shanti Om are different category movies, what matters is whether I can correlate/visualize with things/people/emotions in the movie. So I guess I was not the right audience for “Om Shanti Om”. The End.

Recently a really good friend sent me this:

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

I saw “The Debators” movie over the weekend. 4 African American (politically correct term) kids, from a small college, preparing for debate and finally debating against Harvard University – that was the theme of the movie. Apart from the fact that they mentioned Gandhi in the final debate, there were so many thing which kind of warmed my Indian blood.

Seeing the movie made me realize how lucky I am born in a world where I don’t have to debate whether I should be allowed to the same college as other kids of whatever color/race/nationality.Those 4 kids with their teacher fighting for justice, freedom and equality is quite an inspiration story.

One thing which made me smile was how movie shows the power of education. Coincidentally I was talking to Supercool School team very recently about what I think is Supercool School doing in terms of its impact. I was talking about awareness but I could not exactly pin point what I meant by awareness through education. After seeing this movie I know what I was trying to explain. Education is probably the only means so far which has so much so much potential to a better world.

Looking at online education these days, I wonder if somebody 50 years from now writing her blog will find it interesting how education has changed so radically over time.

Some of the amazing clips from the movie – not so good quality but content more than makes up for that.